I'm Back!!!

I have neglected this blog for a while not for lack of interest in it rather for lack of time. I have been rather busy with work. I like to put some thought into what I write because I always want to put my best foot forward so to speak. I just got back from a great vacation with the family and realized the toll that long separations can have on relationships. Leah and I had to get used to having one another around and expectations ran rampant throughout the 10 days I was home. Leah expected things to go one way and I expected other things. Is there a secret formula out there that can magically bring a couple together...nope. It takes some down in the trenches hard work to reconnect and reestablish the connectivity that was once there. Am I saying that love is not there...of course not. I am also not talking about a 2 week separation either. Leah and I have spent a total of 12 days together in the last 10 months and only one of those alone together. It takes work and patience on both partners to make it work. I believe that couples overlook the importance of good ole fashioned hard work!!! Leah and I are hard at work trying to keep the lines of communication flowing. Reinforcing the love that God has given us is key to the health of our marriage. And sometimes we just need to swallow our pride and ensure that the needs of our spouse is met. I garrauntee you that the road won't be easy but like I've said before your marriage is worth it.

Passion and Romance

If you are a man in a relationship with a woman you have most certainly seen the movie - "The Notebook". Having said that you can understand that living up to the standard set in that movie is somewhat impossible or is it. In a society of selfishness it may seem impossible. But lets take a look at what be self-less means. The character of Noah follows displays a self-less love that few are able to find. He follows his wife into a nursing home after she is diagnosed with Dimentia. In a poignant scene in the movie Noah's children visit them at the home and urge him to leave. He says something that demonstrates what I am saying he says " That's my sweetheart in there and I'm not leaving her". He follows that with this "Your mother is my home now". Is this type of love dead in our society? I would like to believe that it is not. I would like to believe that this is the type of love I have for Leah. Marriage is more than just a committment you make. Churches want us to believe the the committment is all that matters. I want to add something i believe that is maybe a little more important. Along with that committment must come the committment to keep passion and romance alive in your relationship. Without these key elements a relationship will die. Even with the best of intentions committment can only take you so far. Maybe we can't live up to the Notebooks ideals but if we keep Passion and Romance alive in our relationships we can ensure that our committment to marriage stays fresh and alive.

Conflict the Marriage Builder

If title of this blog has you scratching your head let me explain. Marriage comes with the expectation that there will be conflict. We try to learn how to resolve conflict with every trick in the book. I propose that we have a conflict "Revolution". Let's turn the tables on conflict and instead of running from it lets embrace it and use it to build stronger marriages. I try to avoid conflict and by doing that a lot of issues go unresolved. Bitterness and anger build up to the point where you are ready to give up on your spouse. Now I am not saying to fight with your spouse everyday. What I am saying is simple when there is a conflict DEAL with it don't let it fester in your mind and in your heart. The Bible says "not to let the sun go down in your anger". Sounds pretty simple to me and yet we bang our heads against the wall living with conflict. Does that sound fun to you? Take the time to tackle conflict in your marriage and stop banging your head against the wall.

I'm Sorry

Why is that so hard to say? I believe that if we could learn how to say those simple words our marriages would suffer a lot less grief. God makes it fairly clear that we are not to let the sun go down while we're angry and saying I'm sorry is the first step to reconciliation. The biggest barrier we face with saying I'm sorry is our own pride. I know this from experience. If we would just set aside pride we could build the type of marriage that God desires us to have. I know that this is all easier said than done but it is well worth it. I said the words "I'm sorry" to Leah today and a weight was lifted off of our relationship, a heaviness that was putting a huge wedge between us. Saying "I'm sorry" allowed us to bridge the gap that we were facing. I had to swallow my pride and take the first step towards resolution. So try it sometime, saying your sorry, it's not as hard as you think. When it comes to the most important relationship in your life it is all worth it.

To Flirt or not to Flirt

"A little flirting doesn't hurt." I've heard this from others and I've thought this as well but is this true or am I just lying to myself. How easy is it to go fr0m flirting to infidelity? I am happy to say that I don't know and that I don't want to find out. Whether you mean to or not flirting can and does hurt, if not controlled you WILL eventually cross the line. Maybe not the first time but the more you do it the more comfortable you will get and the easier it will be to cross the line. We all know the difference between "friendly and flirty" so do yourself and your spouse a favor and keep it friendly. In the long run you will reap the benefits of this type of fidelity. If you must flirt, flirt with the person you have committed yourself to : your spouse. If you put the same effort into your spouse as you do in someone else you would have a beautiful marriage. Don't settle for the lie that the grass is greener in someone else's pasture because it isn't.

The Facade of Friendship

Can a man and a woman be friends without any sexual tension??? This profound question was examined in one of my favorite movies starring Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan "When Harry Met Sally". I believe it is a very relavant question especially in marriage. I'm not talking about aquaintances I'm talking about friendship which commands a higher level of intimacy. Can a married man or woman have a close relationship with someone of the opposite sex that is not their spouse. I say no, not because it is not possible but because you put yourself in a very tough situation. I am a firm believer that your spouse should be your best friend. Your spouse should be the person that knows everything about you. They should be the first one you want to call when something great happens or even when something bad happens. If this is not the case in your relationship than you really need to take a hard look at your relationship and take the steps necessary to remedy this problem, and it is a problem. Don't get caught up in the facade of friendship because it will lie to you. It will tell you that "this person understands me more than my wife or my husband never listens to me". These are lies and need to be seen as such. The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence but that is not the case. Marriages take work, no one said it would be easy. It takes sweat and tears to see it through to the end. If you take it one day at a time and focus on the one with whom you made your vows than you can complete the journey that you set out to complete when you said "I DO!!!"

Consquences

Do we really think of the consequences? We have all heard it said "For every action there is a greater or equal reaction". The bible says it this way "what a man reaps so shall he sow". Another one is "what goes around comes around". In our live there are consequences for our actions and we need to be able to live with these consequences. But do we really think this way? What will happen if I do this or that? Or is it more like can I get away with this or that. Whether we want to believe it or not even when you get away with something it still affects you. It will always be there in the back of your mind. I believe if more people though about the consequences many mistakes in marriage could be avoided. Lets take a step back today and ask ourselves that question : What are the consequences for my actions going to be? Can you live with the decision you made? If so, what kind of life is that going to be. Remember even when you feel like you've gotten away with something one person will always know the wrong you did and that's the person you look at in the mirror.